Friday, May 14, 2010

Lost to Apathy

I'm in such a weird mood. My moods been going from okay to better to straight back down to terrible, to angry, to sick and tired and crying to this now really weird, bordering lost, confused and anxiety. I'm hoping I can fall asleep and things'll look better in the morning. I want to go back to my doctor but I feel almost sheepish and stupid being there every few weeks with complaints of how I'm feeling, I'm sick of going and getting no real answers, more tests and even more waiting while my brain racks up every possible thing that could be wrong with me, and the physical pain accompanying it that just seems to make my overthinking mind agree more. I've barely left the house and when I do my anxiety flips out and it makes my body feel even worse than it is already so I feel trapped in myself. I know I need to get over this myself because I'm my own worst disease but it's just so goddamn hard sometimes. I feel weak.

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